Neurodivergent people are more likely than most people to experience cognitive perseveration. This might well be a new term to you, but if you tend to get stuck on a thought connected to an emotion – such as a feeling of injustice related to someone treating you unfairly – and you feel that you just can’t move on, it’s very possible that it’s something you experience. Clients often describe it as being like a dog with a bone – they can’t move forward no matter how much they’d like to, or no matter how much sense it makes to do so, at a logical level. 

Cognitive perseveration happens when your mind gets caught in a loop, focusing on the same thought, emotion, or idea over and over. You might feel like you’re “trapped” in your own head, revisiting something that’s already happened or anticipating something that you feel might happen.

This can show up as getting stuck on a thought. Maybe you’re replaying an event in your mind, overanalysing every detail and wondering whether you could have done or said something differently. It can also make it very hard to shake a feeling, such as frustration, sadness or anger, which might just linger for days until it starts to lessen. It can be that you can’t get on with your life until until you feel you’ve fully worked through a problem. It’s common to get stuck in trying to work out a solution and, instead of being able to leave the problem alone at times and return to it later, it’s impossible to let go of it until you’ve worked through and through and finally feel it's resolved. Which is exhausting. 

Getting stuck in this way has nothing to do with choice and everything to do with being pulled into something – whether it’s a mood, or a thought, or a problem – to the extent that it’s almost impossible to move forwards. 

Getting stuck can be very stressful and frustrating, and can cause low mood and anxiety. It can interfere with our abilities to work and can cause issues in our relationships. We might even feel physically drained or ill due to the feeling of being stuck and stressed. 

When you understand that you are someone who gets stuck on things in a far more intense way than most people, you can start to recognise some of your patterns. Recognising that this is a natural part of how your brain works can help you approach it with self-compassion instead of frustration. The more frustrated we get about our brain working in this way, the more likely we are to create another loop – involved around frustration and anger towards ourselves. If we realise this is just something that happens in our brain, no matter how unpleasant, the feelings often tend to lessen in intensity. 

We can also focus on what helps. It might be that simply accepting this is a process that you need to go through – and that you’re going to have to get to the end before you can move on – is helpful in itself. You can’t think your way out of being stuck. Other people find that talking – even it’s repetitive talking that keeps revisiting the subject – helps them move through it slightly quicker. If you have someone who you trust and is supportive, explaining to them that you just need a sounding board – you’re not looking for input or opinions – so that you can work through your thoughts, can help you move beyond those stuck feelings. This is something I find very helpful, and my partner has learned to just listen to me while I go over and over the same thing until I’m through the other side. Writing things down can also be helpful and talking to a therapist can be helpful for some people. 

Sometimes it’s possible to create boundaries with yourself around when you allow yourself to think about something or engage with it. This can take practice, though, and it’s not always possible to put boundaries into place. But setting time aside – such as half an hour to focus on whatever you’ve been stuck on in the morning and evening – and being very strict with yourself to try and redirect your thoughts if you find yourself going there at any other time, can be helpful. Creating boundaried times around when I allow myself to think about or speak about things I’m caught in a loop in is a measure I’ve found helpful. 

Being stuck in thought loops isn’t pleasant. Cognitive perseveration isn’t limited to neurodivergent people and some people find that medication can be helpful, so it’s worth considering visiting your GP if you feel you’re affected by this and self-help measures aren’t having the impact you hoped for. 

It’s also helpful to know that while perseveration can be challenging, it also comes with strengths. Your ability to focus deeply on a thought or problem might mean you have insights or ideas that others would miss. Your emotional intensity might allow you to connect with people or experiences on a level that feels profound and meaningful. These traits are part of who you are, and learning to work with them can help you harness their potential.