Many of us experience a very intense emotional response which often seems to appear out of nowhere. Emotionally, we go from zero to a hundred in a matter of seconds. Although our responses might seem to come out of nowhere, there's usually some kind of build up, even if we're completely unaware of it. Oen of the most effective tools I've learned, and which my clients find incredibly helpful, is to learn to recognise those early signs that something is slightly off, and to take action before things escalate to a full-blown meltdown or intensity of feeling that's hard to manage.

Using an emotional timeline can help you identify whether there's any lead-up to your eventual emotional response. The signs might be very subtle. Perhaps you were feeling more agitated, or a little bit shorter with people around you. Maybe you were starting to stim more than usual, pacing or repeating words, relying more heavily on things to calm you down. Or perhaps you were starting to feel a bit spaced out or cut off from people around you. If we learn to reflect back, after having an emotional response, we can often see that there were subtle signs that we were beginning to feel dysregulated.

When we learn to recognise those very early signals, no matter how subtle they might be, we can often do something about the situation. A great strategy is to not push ourselves any further than is absolutely necessary, if we're already feeling a bit dysregulated. That might mean saying no to going out later in the evening, especially if it's likely to end in a fight or coming home in such a distressed state that you'll get no sleep. It might mean that you ditch the supermarket run and see if there's anything you can cobble together from your fridge, if you're going to have to go out later to a parents' evening. Or it might mean taking yourself away from your family and having time on your own, in silence in your room, instead of pushing yourself to be around people.

If we don't notice the build-up, we tend to keep pushing through, when what we need to do is look after ourselves, which often involves removing ourselves from a situation.

The emotional timeline also refers to our recovery time after a particularly emotional response to a situation. We need a come-down phase and if we don't look after ourselves in this phase, it takes much longer to return to a calmer state. What makes things worse when you're in a heightened emotional state? Do people talking to you or trying to reason with you keep you agitated for longer? Are you best left alone? Do you need to talk and talk until you've processed your emotions? You'll learn what works best for you, but the important message is to see your timeline from the point of lead up to the point of recovery.

You'll find an emotional timeline resource at the end of the lesson and it's useful to take some time reflecting on your personal lead up and recovery. It can also be helpful sharing this with people close to you so that they know how best to support you in the process of looking after yourself.